So sorry you two lost the bracket challenge but you still owe money.
Você não acreditou no meu potencial.
Você subestimou meus conhecimentos.
Você não deu aquela oportunidade que
eu tanto queria. Pq eu era nova demais?
Pq eu era mulher? Pq eu não aceitei ocupar
apenas o lugar que meu foi dirigido.
Mas parece que o jogo virou não é mesmo?
I’ve gone through 34 years of life without ever being accused of being unkind, threatened, dark, or passive-aggressive. So this email tells me that the lens that you look at me through is quite distorted.
I’ve told you many times that I think you are a great artist, counseled, and referred clients.
Remember when you called me to tell me that the only reason P was “liking” the photos on my Facebook page was to make you jealous. I truly felt sorry for you in that call. It’s the same phone call where you told me she thinks you need mental health help. So why are you turning that “seek help” line on me?
Thank you for teaching me to trust my intuition, it’s been a long year of me being kind and generous to you only to find out that you’ve ripped my reputation to shreds with K, P, and who knows else. How sad that this negativity resulted in K closing the group.
I cannot continue to engage with you as I need to surround myself with those who take joy in my light friendly personality and not feel like my friendships, achievements, and happiness are somehow a threat. My hope is that you’ll soon come to a place where you can shine your light, smile, and maintain a beautiful friendship with others for the long haul.
You didn’t think I could let you spew hate on me without replying, did you?
I know what we had, even if you didn’t acknowledge it in words. I know how I felt about you. It surprised me.
You are slutty with your money and then expect everyone to appreciate your “gifts.”
I felt you found many ways to road block my success at
You have a secret code you expect everyone to know Having high standards is great, but your rules need to be explained explicitly. You expected me to act a certain way but couldn’t explain how.
I’m a grownup. No more games. I told you how much I liked you. You make me smile. You’re equally badass and delightfully goofy.
I thought when I was telling you I would help keep you “safe,” it meant emotionally.
You didn’t think your money was going to impress this big American clown, did you?
You are attracted to drama because you are comfortable in chaos. Chaos shuts down the voices.
After saying such terrible things to me –shame on you, by the way– I felt I should have an opportunity to speak my truth.
I’m writing to share with you what you look like from my point of view.
You know how hard I have fought tooth and nail to get back on my feet after a long struggle.
May I suggest that if you want to really make a positive impact on someone’s life, try doing it unconditionally. If you can’t do that, put explicit agreements in place so you’ll never feel taken “advantage of.”
Your power is money and you use it to control people. Instead of talking your feelings out, you pull your “gifts” away.
You said several times that we “never had a relationship,” as if that would cripple me. Silly man, you are the only who couldn’t accept we had. You saying that we didn’t have a relationship didn’t hurt me, it made me pity you. You must really be suffering.
You, too, are a pauper. You have a poverty of love. You don’t think you deserve great love, much like I used to feel I didn’t deserve great wealth. Both are lies we tell ourselves because it’s easier than doing the fucking work to make awesome things happen.
You couldn’t value what I brought to the table because you thought I was doing it for your money. I thought I had found a friend who understood that I needed to get back on my feet, to do my own thing.
You can’t even be honest with your executive assistant. I think you were ashamed of your feelings for me.
You want freedom, autonomy, I get that. I really get that.
When you pulled over to the side of the ride to call me to tell me you thought you had real feelings for me…I was so touched. Yet, I knew that it would be difficult for me
You confuse obedience with love.
I have my own journey. In March, you needed help from me and I was showing up in a big way for someone else… and myself.
You wanted me to do things but without telling me what those things were.
I was up to the challenge. I didn’t flip out when you barely responded to my texts for a month. I was put in an uncomfortable place of not wanting to bug you too much, while knowing you were hurting from your divorce dates.
I can still feel the dirty look you shot me when you couldn’t open the lock at
The only thing I really wanted from you was kindness, transparency, and authenticity. You think I am “fake” but I am not. I am real. I am also human.
Explicit agreements and two-way communication, those are the key things you need to succeed in a relationship.
As it turns out, you did make an impact in my life. You reminded me that I need to keep my standards high, and to get everything in writing.
It is the beginning of a very happy ending for you,
I saw you for how you really are, warts and all, and still loved you. I only asked the same.
Do I want to be friends? Yes. Do I want to have you in my life? Yes.
Can I do so and still have respect for myself? No, absolutely not. This is the end of the road for us,
I am guessing by now you have gotten paperwork from the court indicating the divorce is final. Since I had gotten a few emails from you in the past few months, I think a part of me expected to hear something from you after I knew paperwork had been delivered to you. It is also possible you imagine I don’t want to hear from you and are giving me space. A part of me also wonders if you’re in denial and don’t want to acknowledge the divorce, and writing any kind of goodbye to me would be too hard for you.
The biggest part of me feels incredibly used by you, that you acknowledged only what you wanted to and not reality. Sometimes I feel like I was just a reflective surface to you although I believe you truly loved me. I tip toed around you to protect your emotions meanwhile having no where to put my own. And that’s my fault for taking that role. Most of me feels like there is no point writing you as you won’t ever understand, and I don’t need you to. But there remains this small part of you for me, the part that holds my happiest memories and the absolute incredibly real love and bond I have for you. I write to that part for my own sake. Now that time has gone by and I realize I won’t hear from you.
When we got married we said out beyond right doing and wrong doing there is a field and we would meet each other there. While too much damage is done and I am too hurt to remain married, or in contact with you, I continue to see you beyond wrongdoings. Despite how incredibly angry I have been with you at times, I continue to see you as I always did, as a good man.
All of this was incredibly hard from me. From the way you responded to my valid pain and reactions, to the lack of respect I got in how careful and giving I was in tending your emotions. Deciding to get divorced was hardest decision of my entire life. It took time to get there, days without appetite and weeks of uncontrollable tears. To hear you question multiple times how much I loved you was the hardest thing I’ve ever heard or been confronted with. This was the last thing I expected for us. I hope that the next person you love you are honest with, and I hope your family is honest with her, that she not be kept from secrets the way I was.
I hope you have found peace within yourself like you wanted and no matter how much anger I feel during times of great pain I really am not angry at you at all. I feel for the pain you carried and I am sorry we both had to go through something so gut wrenching and painful. Divorce and our marriage is not something I can push aside and forget. Divorce has changed my life in away nothing else ever has, my life is now divided in “before” and “after.”
I wish the absolute best for you and I carry the happiest moments of my life from our marriage inside even though acknowledging them brings pain. I have learned a great deal from us, about myself, and find meaning in the growth I’ve endured. I hope you do as well.
Stop asking new programmers to the team if they would eat a dog since dogs have no souls. I left your madness happily.
I still want you in my arms, and every night I had panic attacks from not getting texts from you… and this has to stop. I want to forget everything. I’ll try my very best to never text you again, and I hope you do the same for me. But then again, it’s easy for you to ignore me because you have other girls to fuck around, and you only come back to me when you’re in a location near me, so I guess the hard part is for me.
Lucky you I’ll still need to send you the presents I promised, otherwise you’ll never hear from me ever again. Enjoy the mixtape I’ve made with all my heart, and the handmade shirt, and the Cyndaquil badge I’ve bought for you, those are your farewell gifts. I wish I never met you.
I am terribly upset about Suzanne Somers’ Tox-Sick book, as I have come to learn that it is filled with fragmented sentence structure as well as large blank spaces and unnecessary line breaks. This strategic formatting undoubtably adds to the amount of pages in the book as part of what I can only presume to be an effort to make the book seem longer and therefore more legitimate to anyone who is glancing through it, increasing chances of sales.
Having said that, the content of
All right, to whoever keeps sending me links to dating sites. STOP DOING THAT, OK? I know I should find a girlfriend, but it doesn’t work for me this way. Live and let live, please.
below are some photos of the current rat situation. at this point I have laid wire mesh along the entire length of the side yard along the house wall - they definitely have a nest down there somewhere. this includes recent holes behind the restaurant air-conditioner that I’ve filled 3 times in a week and now covered with mesh. I ripped out the ground cover in the front as they seemed to like to hide in there but we’re back to huge burrows in the front yard. I’m getting ready to cover that with mesh next, but that’s a bit unrealistic. I’ve also tried sprinkling a anti-rat powder and bought cheesy plastic owls!
I think J told you about the rats in the garbage. he continues to have to be the person who empties the trash bin on mon/wed/fri and if we’re not home to do it, the trash sits in there for weeks. rats are in and out constantly. the trash being thrown on the ground at night in front of the restaurant doesn’t help either.
all this to ask if you are getting the metal bins/lids for the big box? and can you work with the restaurant to have them put their trash in a metal bin at night - with a lid?
thanks as always
Greetings! Little happiness here though- i bet you think that you r a better dancer but fat chance. don’t evr try to x me again.
i’ll catch you out on the wayside.. or not, if you believe Mr
Thanks for your salutations,
Hi, wow! You’re pregnant after trying only once! That’s incredible! Amazing! (Both that it happened that way and that you decided to share that in an email!)
So happy to hear that you’re five months into such a beautiful journey. Us? We’ve been trying for eighteen months now. Yep, eight. teen. If I were you, I might have TWO babies right now! Instead, I just have this shriveled paper bag of a uterus, a depleted savings account, and marital problems. Ha, ha!
So, sure, I’d love to get coffee sometime – decaf for you, because no caffeine while you’re pregnant, amirite? Only, I’m going to need you not to complain about anything, at all. Literally, anything. Seriously, if you complain about anything at all, I will get up and leave.
Great! So, next Tuesday at 5:30? Congrats, again!!
why are you so far away? everything would be perfect if there were just this… if i was in love. in love with the one i’m with.
if it weren’t so hot and the environment wasn’t in such bad shape. if i had a car, with windows down and a slurpee. if i could find something to get excited about. or remove that urge. the urge to want more, the urge to fill it up with something else. i want to run away so much, i want to find something, i want to end something, start something. i feel like something has gone missing, something got shaken loose, something has been deleted. and i think it was something important. i think it was something that held it together.
I can’t think of many things more boring than dreaming up some reply to a message whose only objective was to make me respond; to waste my time with some inane conversation about your dream and indulge your need for attention.
I’ve been getting those kind of “something-but-really-nothing” messages from you for a long time and it’s obvious that, some 7 or 8 years after meeting you through our mutual friends, you still have a rather annoying obsession with getting my attention. To be honest, I’m over it, I think it’s immature, I had thought you’d be over it too, and I don’t want to encourage it.
And don’t give me that shit about how are you supposed to be better if you don’t know what you did wrong. We have nothing to do with each other. I’ve literally never sought your company. Ever. And I’m not responsible for helping you be “better”.
You’re a fucking stalker. That’s why I didn’t answer your message.
Do you still think of going back with her?
What had happened that made you change your mind so quickly after you came back from your vacation to Cairo?
Why do you two still share a house if you are not together for over 6 months?
Were you only using me to make her feel jealous? All that anger you threw at me was as if you were taking on her?
Have you ever liked me?
Did you get disappointed at me? Did you expect something else from me?
Where did I go wrong? When have I lost you?
You told me it was hard for you to become friends. Why was it so hard?
You are dating someone else, right?
You wanted to break up with me but you didn‘t know how, right? That‘s why you were treating me so badly…
Do you feel bad for what you have done?
I know this is not about me.
But I’m fucking obscenely angry at you. You made me an unknown accomplice in your heinous acts. You knew what you were going to do even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself at the time. You knowingly hurt the one person who would lay her life down for you - do anything for you. You are not a man. You are a fucking child. You don’t deserve a single further second of her time or energy.
Go fuck yourself.
This is the worst feeling. I’m in a haze between awake and asleep, and I don’t think that there’s anything that will make me feel better. Not food, not sex, not music, not yoga, not work. I’m at work because it kinda takes my mind off of everything, but I feel sick to my stomach, and I either want to cry or sleep, but I have too much pride to do either. I’m supposed to be strong, I’m supposed to not let this get to me. “Jane can get through this all on her own.”
I don’t know how I let you do this to me. It’s all of the pain I felt every time I knew you cared about her more, compounded. When you told me that you were over her a long time ago, I shouldn’t have listened. I’ll bet that if I were to call you right now, you’d quickly hide your phone from her and say “Sorry, I don’t know why she’s calling,” and keep on with your weekend. Will you hold her hand under the stars and sing John Legend songs, the way you’ve done before with me, because it makes her feel like somehow she’s special and that there’s some soulful connection between you two?
I know that I’m accusing you based only on the testimony of one person, who heard it from someone, who heard it from someone else. It’s flimsy evidence compared to all the time we’ve spent together, all of the happy moments and all those times you’ve proven to me that you love me. But you didn’t deny it. You didn’t say “No, I didn’t sleep with her. Please believe me. I love you.” All you could say was “Mary wouldn’t talk about something like that”—which leads me to think you just didn’t expect anyone to find out.
I feel awful.
We’re two people that despite everything, have never been able to let go of eachother, even holding on by a pinky grasp through circumstances and events that have ruined lesser couples, we were still somehow entwined in feelings, unconditional, real and inexpiable. It defied reason, logic and better sense given our age and lack of life experience. But those feelings have been replaced with your need to keep me stringing along – pulled out for a quick verbal spat when I’m back in your presence for longer than a moment and actively participating in a conversation. It seems you don’t want me, and you don’t know what to do with me when you have me. Reverting to old abuse and disrespect comes so easy and feels so natural, I can’t truly believe you feel or even remember what it feels like to really delight in my presence and love and support me. I surely cannot and it breaks me every time I think back further that a few years.
But I need to let go. Because holding on to a version of you and our relationship that isn’t even a smithereen of what we truly had and once nourished, isn’t good. I can’t expect you to work on yourself enough to be that boy any more. It’s not fair to secretly hope you will open your eyes tomorrow and change anymore. And I shouldn’t hope that of you when I am the way I am either. I won’t take that risk if you won’t.
I do know it was your birthday the other day, and of course, also Dad’s anniversary recently. These days I don’t know what to say to you or if we are still friends, every one of course was upset and interprets things according to their own dialogue.
I’ve been enjoying the autumn with going to the Black Forest in Germany, mushroom picking and rambling in the woods over here.
—- found on my trash mail —-
Sorry if you got a missed call from me today. My phone is going crazy, guess too hot or whatever.
Regarding to yesterday… I guess you are not the biggest mistake I have ever made, but the way you were acting since I left Lima made my life even more complicated than it had been here anyway.
I know that you don’t want to see that you have made any mistakes, but you did and all the anger and the frustration especially about the fact, that you don’t even want to listen my opinion about things had to get out. I am sorry that you are hurt now, but I am feeling better even if I just yelled on your mailbox.
Why the hell did you think I would appreciate this?
It is when
I’m on the floor
staring into the corner
attempting to cry
yet no tears flow
It is when
I smile at the sight of food
taking the first bite
only to find
your face creeping
into my mind
ruining my appetite
It is when
I roll up a joint
sealing it shut
only to realise
you’re still on my mind
It is when
I hold my phone
checking my texts
of a reply
only to discover
It is when
I play music
belting my heart out
only to find
it’s still about you
It is when
I cut off
leeways and paths
only to face
of our past
It is when
I cry for you to leave
to have you
right in front of me
I don’t like your beard.
I never liked your beard.
I will never like your beard.
SHAVE IT OFF!