Do you still have a space for me in your life?
I miss you a lot, and I keep trying to ignore all of it and to put all my energy somewhere else, but you’re never out of my thoughts.
I’m not ready to become friends again, but I do need your presence. Here are two proposals of relationships we could adopt.
— Penpals. We write to each other from time to time, about films we saw, dishes we cooked, things that went trough our minds. We debate about topics, we exchange typefaces, we share ideas. But we don’t talk about our lives. I don’t want to know what you did since last time because it would be too hurtful to realise having missed it. I won’t tell you what I did either, since I can’t bear the idea of not having shared it with you as it went. And not a word about our current lives or our projects, it would only feed my desire to be with you. A conversation from intellect to intellect, without any personal part nor feelings, which would bring back our presences one for another without risking to rebuild our links too much at first. Could evolve back into a friendship if everything goes well.
— Siblings. As a nod to an old conversation. We adopt each other as sister and brother. I would have a valid reason to love you so much, and that would forbid anything else between us. We can look into legal work to make this official, or make a symbolic pact.
Those are the only two exits I can see to our situation. They are both a little risky emotionally and I can’t promise you not to fall down again and stop everything midway. If you feel like going for one of these or if you have other solutions to offer me, write me when you’re ready. Otherwise, you can ignore this message and I will understand and would of course not blame you for it.