i miss you, I want you here as soon as possible.
I am just afraid that I won’t be able to love you the way you need me to. I am afraid I will hurt you, cause you pain and disappointment. I am also afraid that if we are both depressed, that will make things more difficult for us, that we won’t be able to take care of each other. I don’t know… As if being apart would be any easier. I remembered just how much harder it is to really be without you during this past week. I want to be us again. I want to be happy. I know you’re not a magic bullet, but I know the way I feel isn’t normal, and I know it’s not your fault, I’m sorry for taking it out on you.
I hope you have been able to think this past week, to be sure this is what you really want. I just keep doubting that I am enough for you. If you were asking me to move, now, or never… I don’t know what I would do. I really wouldn’t want to move, and I am afraid of how that would effect us… That I would resent you for making me move. I don’t want to put you in that same position, I don’t want you to resent me. If you want out, I am giving you that chance.
I want to give us a chance, a real chance this time. It has to be soon.
I am sorry I didn’t call you tonight, the [awesome movie] screening was tonight, and I got home at 11:30. Tomorrow I’ll be working late. I am looking forward to talking to you, but I don’t want to keep you up late or get cut short, so I’ll call on Wednesday. I didn’t want you to be worried about me, or think that this was my plan to just disappear on you. I also wanted to let you know [our cat] is doing ok.