I am sorry for writing you. I know you don’t want me to. You made that extremely clear when you blocked me on every social media. To this day, I am still wondering where I went wrong. It’s been two years and I can’t seem to move on.
I will never forget when made me cry in front of my colleagues and told me that I had to be strong. I never understood how someone so close to me can be so distant. I am sorry I couldn’t open up about my battles with depression and suicidal thoughts. I thought that will drive you away. I had to be the perfect girl. The girl you always thought I was. You took care of me when I didn’t even think I needed to be cared for. You cooked for me, washed my hair and body, even dried and brushed my hair.
I don’t know what happened to you when one night you didn’t want to kiss me for goodnight’s sleep. I don’t know what change you so instantly. I am sorry I didn’t take my stuff and left in the morning like my gut feeling said. I am sorry I came back to you in the evening and bawled my eyes out when you seemed extremely angry at me. I am sorry I wasn’t able to be a better girlfriend. I am sorry for not knowing what I did wrong.
Two years later I am still here wondering what turned you away? Did your friend tell you to leave me because I did not seem like a girl who knew what she was doing in her life?
I don’t know how many times I have checked your social media accounts to see what you are up to and how you are doing. I wanted to message you and apologise for not being who you wanted me to be.
In case you are wondering, what happened to me, I dated several men. But none of them were you. I couldn’t even think of being in a relationship because I always thought I will never be good enough for anyone. I didn’t think I was worth being genuinely loved by someone. I didn’t think I was worth anything in this life.
Two years later and I am still looking for the answers. I guess all I need to move on is for you to say that I was enough for you but you wanted someone different.
I know we were never meant to get married. You were never the one but I guess in my head I portrayed you better than you were in real life.
I hope your new girlfriend will make you feel loved and have that perfect relationship you always wanted. I hope she is better in every way than I ever was.