there’s a break that comes in that last song on halcyon digest that kills me every time. it literally feels like a piece of me is dying. the song is about seven and a half minutes long and I spend the whole first part waiting for it, because I know it’s coming and I know it’s going to slay me. you on the floor with my guitar, effortlessly having found the chords. I sit and let it wash over me like a wave. you were six feet away from me that day. I could have reached out and touched you. I did. I never should have. I should have gone all the way that night. I didn’t know what to do with my arms. emily says I have to push through the moments that freeze me. I have entire stretches of my day that aren’t frozen now. when the cold takes over, though, it immobilizes me. the radio shifts into song and I’m suddenly encapsulated in forty feet of solid ice in all directions. I’m on the side of the road trying to run with broken legs.
and then it passes.