Yo man. Everything’s going to be okay. I know you worry a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But do what you can, and let the world surprise you with the magical powers of destiny. It does amazing things. All things are created by it. Let it create you. Let it create yours.
Often I ask, what am I doing? Wasting hours on social media, scrolling through photos tactfully created so that I fill with envy.
I wake up late. Go to work. Try to stay present at work. Check my social media. Stay late at work. Come home. Anxiously, and unmeaning to, I occupy myself with social media until midnight. My weekends aren’t much different, except there are more unfulfilled promises I make to do greater. If I’m really lonely, I’ll hit a bar and drink way too much.
I want more with my life. I want to hike early in the morning. I want to go to yoga on my lunch break. I want to get lost in creating art, making space, connecting with new people. I want to find secret places to dance my face off. I want to read books in new parks, volunteer and fight for what I believe, attend lectures of brilliant minds–minds that that different than mine.
I’m over internet platforms that suck me in. Where is the app that pushes me out?
I want to stop waiting for life to happen. I want to begin DOING.
People always make fun of my name.
Jimmy jo jim jumbuck jino is nothing to laugh at.
Jimmy jo jim jumbuk jino
It’s been a while. I thought about you quite a lot since that day two years ago.
You and I.. We had a different sort of relationship. We were both broken people and I was your support and you were mine. Slowly though, we both changed each other. At least, you changed me. We had so many memories. So many nights spent just talking to each other. I enjoyed that. We made each other stronger. At one point, we no longer needed each other. And that’s why that day, I was able to break it off. I didn’t talk to you after that night. I didn’t even bother to contact you.
Then one day, I heard that your dad was in critical health. I didn’t want to at first, but I finally gathered up the courage to call you. I tried to give you hope and honestly if I could, I would have made it all better. But i couldn’t. A few days passed and I heard your dad passed away. You were depressed. That’s what your friends told me cause I never did talk to you. I don’t know why though… I heard you changed after that. You closed yourself shut. After all, your life wasn’t easy even when your dad was alive.
I don’t really know if I miss you. But I regret not being there when you needed a friend. Sometimes, I think back and wonder what would have happened if I stayed your friend. Would I have saved you from your sorrows ? I will never know.
I know you know this. But I will say it again. I loved you a lot. More than I loved anybody. And I don’t know if I will love anybody so much again.
I hope you stay well. Someday, I hope to fix everything with you. It will never be the same, but maybe we could start over…
I hate that I’ve been a force in your life, some killer of spirit. I have never felt such love or affection from you as I did that night that we lay in front of the fire at my house and you just looked at my face for an immeasurable amount of time and touched it. Knowing that it’s my fault that it hasn’t happened since makes me feel terrible. It should be me telling you that you should find someone better. Someone that is less damaged, less–
It feels silly that I know it’s silly to believe in fairy-tale stories but and I will blame Disney for all that conditioning I suffered during my growing up years. You know how it’s so difficult to put down those rose-tinted glasses when one has worn them for the longest time.
All could have been perfect and well if I would meet a nice girl to settle down with pretending we own castles and are rulers of our own kingdoms. Game of Thrones actually changed all of that with the violence and gore plus all that killing…
Anyway, that’s not the point. The major point is that I am not straight… Yes, I am gay and I’ve fallen for you a perfectly straight man in grand delusional hopes that you would love me for who I am. After all, I had read about two straight guys who had fallen in love and that sexuality is fluid so anything’s possible right? Damn Disney…
You’re not exactly Prince Charming material - you know the fair chiselled facial features with white porcelain teeth, etc. - but you are the epitome of a man’s man whom any girl (or guy) would be so lucky to have - polite, scruffy, gruff, gentlemanly, kind and green/blue eyes.
You’ve no idea the countless times I’ve caught myself wishing wistfully when you look so engrossed at work to just kiss you and magically make you mine but I know people would stare and maybe you would mind. I did ask you once if you minded me being gay and being around you but you simply shrugged it off and punched me in the shoulder saying that I would never ever make anyone feel comfortable because I’m a great guy.
Those were the only words I heard and that punch was the only contact we had. I wasn’t sure if I want you to have a girlfriend or anyone because I do wish you’re mine but I want you to be happy and it hurts me when you furrowed your brows after a huge argument with your landlord and you complained that the rent was too expensive.
I would want to live in with you but I don’t know how to talk to you just so you can reduce your rent and I would get to see you every day. Isn’t it a win-win situation you see? I didn’t want to come off as a freak but right now, maybe I’m one.
I want to be there for you, with you, beside you. If only you’d let me…
Will you consider?
You didn’t think I could let you spew hate on me without replying, did you?
I know what we had, even if you didn’t acknowledge it in words. I know how I felt about you. It surprised me.
You are slutty with your money and then expect everyone to appreciate your “gifts.”
I felt you found many ways to road block my success at
You have a secret code you expect everyone to know Having high standards is great, but your rules need to be explained explicitly. You expected me to act a certain way but couldn’t explain how.
I’m a grownup. No more games. I told you how much I liked you. You make me smile. You’re equally badass and delightfully goofy.
I thought when I was telling you I would help keep you “safe,” it meant emotionally.
You didn’t think your money was going to impress this big American clown, did you?
You are attracted to drama because you are comfortable in chaos. Chaos shuts down the voices.
After saying such terrible things to me –shame on you, by the way– I felt I should have an opportunity to speak my truth.
I’m writing to share with you what you look like from my point of view.
You know how hard I have fought tooth and nail to get back on my feet after a long struggle.
May I suggest that if you want to really make a positive impact on someone’s life, try doing it unconditionally. If you can’t do that, put explicit agreements in place so you’ll never feel taken “advantage of.”
Your power is money and you use it to control people. Instead of talking your feelings out, you pull your “gifts” away.
You said several times that we “never had a relationship,” as if that would cripple me. Silly man, you are the only who couldn’t accept we had. You saying that we didn’t have a relationship didn’t hurt me, it made me pity you. You must really be suffering.
You, too, are a pauper. You have a poverty of love. You don’t think you deserve great love, much like I used to feel I didn’t deserve great wealth. Both are lies we tell ourselves because it’s easier than doing the fucking work to make awesome things happen.
You couldn’t value what I brought to the table because you thought I was doing it for your money. I thought I had found a friend who understood that I needed to get back on my feet, to do my own thing.
You can’t even be honest with your executive assistant. I think you were ashamed of your feelings for me.
You want freedom, autonomy, I get that. I really get that.
When you pulled over to the side of the ride to call me to tell me you thought you had real feelings for me…I was so touched. Yet, I knew that it would be difficult for me
You confuse obedience with love.
I have my own journey. In March, you needed help from me and I was showing up in a big way for someone else… and myself.
You wanted me to do things but without telling me what those things were.
I was up to the challenge. I didn’t flip out when you barely responded to my texts for a month. I was put in an uncomfortable place of not wanting to bug you too much, while knowing you were hurting from your divorce dates.
I can still feel the dirty look you shot me when you couldn’t open the lock at
The only thing I really wanted from you was kindness, transparency, and authenticity. You think I am “fake” but I am not. I am real. I am also human.
Explicit agreements and two-way communication, those are the key things you need to succeed in a relationship.
As it turns out, you did make an impact in my life. You reminded me that I need to keep my standards high, and to get everything in writing.
It is the beginning of a very happy ending for you,
I saw you for how you really are, warts and all, and still loved you. I only asked the same.
Do I want to be friends? Yes. Do I want to have you in my life? Yes.
Can I do so and still have respect for myself? No, absolutely not. This is the end of the road for us,
Te acabo de poner nombre, hace rato lo pensé hubieras sido una linda Agata, tal vez pensé en el nombre que tu papá nunca me hubiera dejado ponerte, hubiera dicho parece nombre de viejita, creo en su cabeza te llamas Thor, por la misma razón por la cual para mi eres Agata.
Estuviste en nuestra vida durante dos semanas, te esfumaste más rápido de lo que llegaste y pusiste mi vida de cabeza.
No es justo culparte a ti de todo, aunque a veces es más fácil, a veces quisiera que no hubieras aparecido y me ahorraría este dolor.
Hoy no duele, pero me doy cuenta que no estoy bien, con las pocas personas que hablo de ti me ven con cara de pobrecita y me aseguran que voy a estar bien.
Y ¿si no? ¿qué va a pasar conmigo? ¿seguiré siendo este desaste? el cual no puede sentarse a trabajar y divaga quesque trabajando toda la mañana esperando que llegue la hora para hacer de comer, cocinar, después comer, recoger la cocina si bien nos va y después dormir una larga siesta, ver la tele y esperar a que tu papá llegue para hacer la interminable rutina del ¿qué quieres cenar?
Por eso pensé en escribir y después pensé que sería buena idea escribirte a ti. Tu sabes como me siento, y no puedo atormentar más a tu papá, lo voy a volver loco, no es bueno para nuestra relación y seamos sinceras, tu papá no entiende mucho sobre mis interminables chaquetas mentales. Así que ahora te tocará leerme a ti donde quiera que estés. Sé tal vez esto no es muy saludable te tengo que dejar ir, pero tal vez esto me ayuda a hacerlo.
Siempre vas a estar en mi ❤
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I’ve been cranking out pottery for an upcoming show and Three Rivers Arts Festival. I have 120 pots now, but will probably sell around 260, which means I’ll need about 140 more to make 250 for TRAF….sigh.
Thank you for the links! You know, I had to move from Manatu, Manitoba where I was being raised by my grandma and great aunts to Pennsylvania and live with my horrible biological parents because ALCOA started mining for nickel in the hills above us and polluted all of the ground water and streams. They killed off all of the trout and salmon in our streams, farm animals died, and around 50 Metis Indians who lived about 2 miles from us. Of course the Canadian government claimed it was just a coincidence. I still have anger about it. Especially since ALCOA has their Hall of the American Indians at the Carnegie Museum.
I really like your website, but need to take time to read it more. I’m dyslexic. So, I read everything 3 or 4 times to absorb the information. You should be quite proud of what you’re doing. I’m very proud of you!
Thanks for your email. I am going to be upfront, I am really interested in making business with you.
However, I have to tell you that I am not a bank person, I don’t have money stored in banks nor I am planning to; but because the sum of money is pretty big for me to consider opening one, I called a friend of mine that works in a bank in Switzerland, asking for advice.
Because the sum of money is important enough, said bank would need some kind of security deposit in order for federal institutions in Europe to not investigate it, which is something I think you and me both want for security reasons.
I’ve been thinking about this and I think it would be best if we can split the deposit of $200 in the 30% and 70% that you said the money would be separated in. At the end of the day, the separation needs to be clear enough for the bank to know where the money is going to at the end of the transaction.
I’ll give you details in how to wire the money to me for the $140 that result of the 70% of $200 once you’ve given me confirmation to follow up in this business.
Please keep this message confidential, since I have people inside one of the most important banks in the world that could be screwed if this sees the light.
Thank you very much,
I appreciate you getting back to me to let me know you’re moving forward with other candidates. I know I bombed that one, and I could tell within the first few minutes. Maybe it was the faded look of interest on my interviewers face or maybe it was when I stumbled with basic technical questions. It’s unfortunate it had to end this way, with a whimper instead of the bang of excitement it started with here. It’s a shame that all days can’t be good days, and things just don’t always go according to plan.
If I could have a do-over, a mulligan really, a chance to show that: “Heck yes, I want this job”; I would be ready. Heck, if we had to fight it out hunger games style in an underground arena, I’m pretty sure I would win that round. Unfortunately you usually don’t realize these sort of things until it’s too late. Sending you my trivial mental thoughts on the process probably only helps to keep me from being employed full-time. I truly and honestly mean this: I hope you and your team have a bomb-diggity day. I know sending rejection letters isn’t a great way to start it, but there’s the joy you get to experience by giving someone else good news.
You’ll never see this letter unfortunately, you’ll just get a “Thanks for following up” note I could type in my sleep. I’ll go off and continue my week, six interviews later across four companies without a job to show for it at the end. It’s a shame we met under different circumstances because I found you just adorable. Yeah, I know bad time to bring that up.
Stay Cute Dani, Stay Cute.
The Disillusioned Applicant
This starts off as a regular fan mail. I’ve been hooked on MysteryShow ever since the teaser came out. I love how subtly it uncovers the magic and whimsy in everyday life while pretending to be a show about mysteries.
I am such a fan, that I found a magazine to interview you for :) I’d love to ask you a couple of questions and profile the show for Quotes, a bi-lingual magazine in Bulgaria for folks who share our enthusiasm and curiosity for people.
I know your schedule must be crazy, doing a weekly show, but I’d love to be able to share the show with more people, especially in Bulgaria. So, if you think you’d have the time to answer a couple of my questions, it will absolutely make my year!
I admit, I was hesitant to come out that other night to see you. It was weird bc I was making up a lot of excuses even though we already promised to meet. I came off confident in our msgs, but IRL, I was struggling. What if you thought I was different? What if you thought I wasn’t for you? What if you thought… so many thoughts. But then, I kicked myself in the ass and said - goddamnit nothing has happened stop overreacting. so in that dark candle lit backroom, I anxiously waited… then you walked in and before I knew it, all those anxious thoughts flittred away. those few hours with you… they were just so much better than any of my dumb thoughts about what it would be like seeing you again. thanks for that.
Thanks for the help with the website quick wins – look forward to receiving the costs later today. In addition, there are 3 more campaign elements I’d like ballpark costs for if possible. They are as follows:
- Update landing page design
- Integration of a social aggregator
- An App that can translate a cats meow into English (can be on website or an app within the app store)
Please cost these generously based on the little we know about their site and the code so we are covered if they decide to pursue the ideas.
Getting over my fear of dying in space
there’s a break that comes in that last song on halcyon digest that kills me every time. it literally feels like a piece of me is dying. the song is about seven and a half minutes long and I spend the whole first part waiting for it, because I know it’s coming and I know it’s going to slay me. you on the floor with my guitar, effortlessly having found the chords. I sit and let it wash over me like a wave. you were six feet away from me that day. I could have reached out and touched you. I did. I never should have. I should have gone all the way that night. I didn’t know what to do with my arms. emily says I have to push through the moments that freeze me. I have entire stretches of my day that aren’t frozen now. when the cold takes over, though, it immobilizes me. the radio shifts into song and I’m suddenly encapsulated in forty feet of solid ice in all directions. I’m on the side of the road trying to run with broken legs.
and then it passes.
Hi Angie -
I’m so sorry for your pain. I will do what I can to help you, and thank you for understanding how painful this is for me too –this has been, by far, the most painful and confusing experience of my life, as I’m sure it is for you too. I lost 12 pounds in two weeks when I found out, and I’m not a big person, (and I was even dating someone else)!
Please understand that I really don’t want to know more about your relationship. It’s nothing personal. I think you are probably a wonderful person. It just took me a lot of work and struggle to get to this very good place now, and I’m never going back there and don’t want to relive or question any of it.
Here’s the insight I can offer:
First of all, you should get the book “The Gift of Betrayal” by Eve Wood. Read it all asap. I swear you will feel better and it will help you to understand how this all happened. You’re just going to have to learn to live with the fact that you will never understand him or what his true motives or intentions were for any of this. You will never get closure on this. But what you can do is learn your role in it and what drew you to him (and him to you) and how to avoid people like him in the future. You are not alone.
Ben is not normal. And I don’t think it’s just Aspergers. I am fairly certain he has a personality disorder on top of that. I will leave it to you to decide if you agree or not, and what that disorder is - it doesn’t matter to me what anyone else thinks at this point. I know what I lived through. When he got caught, the way he responded to me was so cold and inhumane, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before in a human being. And I know a lot of people. It was utterly chilling. And before that, he had never been anything but really really sweet to me. Never once had he been anything close to mean.
It left me convinced that our entire relationship was fake. He was just using me for the game of it all - most of all for the attention I’m sure, but also he must have loved the risk. Just like his addiction to poker. It must have been thrilling for him to concoct so many lies and be able to manipulate me so masterfully. To be able to respond to me like that when I confronted him, he had to have no conscience and no empathy. There was no sense of guilt and any true apology - it all felt very disingenuous. There was nothing real or compassionate about it - he was not remorseful or ashamed in any way. He was just hellbent on saving his ass and concocting some sort of story that you all could accept as somewhat plausible so you didn’t think he was a psychopath, and he had absolutely no problem throwing me under the bus the second it suited him. He’s really pretty much dead to me. I never understood it when people said that before, but now I do. The person I knew was not a real person. He was a fabrication. And the real person behind the facade is not at all someone I want to have anything to do with in my life.
After we broke up, I had to try to make sense of the relationship because it made no sense at all to me. We always had an amazingly fun time together. We never fought. We were in constant contact, even if we were long distance. You read our emails, you know. I really felt like he loved me. I really thought he was my best friend (even long after the breakup - ha!) Every single weekend we spent together we got closer, but then he would make it harder to schedule the next time together. It was the weirdest thing. And his health kept getting worse and worse (was that part made up too?). I always thought Ben had PTSD from 911 (and how much of that part was true? I really don’t trust that any of it was real) and I’ve had a lot of trauma and know a lot about it, so I just thought if I was gentle and patient and safe enough, he would eventually be able to really open up to me.
This wasn’t just a case of someone cheating. This is someone who thrived on duplicity. And he panicked once I told him I wanted to spend the summer in the west and then move to NYC. He knew he couldn’t pull it off if you and I were both in the same city. But I think he kept in contact with me because he still liked the attention. It was very confusing.
So, basically I will never understand him or what went on. He won’t be able to give you an answer. He can justify all his actions with his lies. He’s a very good actor. When I thought it was just Aspergers, it was when I saw him as a really sweet person, someone who meant well, but who just wasn’t wired to need what we need. But after his cruelty with me, I really have no idea. I think it’s much worse.
One thing I would love from you is the name and address of his therapist. I really want to write that guy and tell him the extent of the damage that Ben inflicts on people. He needs to know that this isn’t a harmless game for Ben that the therapist is enabling. There are people’s lives at stake, and because he chooses vulnerable, really nice people who are really trusting, he is someday going to cause someone serous harm. I know that I was extremely lucky to be out of it when I found out – I had a new boyfriend who is very kind and loving to me and he saved me. And I hope that because you have your kids, you can put your energy into them and not focus on him and the bad stuff he did. But someday he will victimize someone who can’t handle it. And it’s unconscionable that this therapist supports his behavior. I was abused as a child and have always struggled with believing that I was lovable enough. I suspect you have some of the same issues, which is why we were so easily manipulated and would both tolerate the paucity of true affection he put out. He knew how to play us. But that doesn’t mean his therapist should be encouraging his behavior. I believe he needs to know how it feels from the other side. If you know his full name or any information at all for him, I would greatly appreciate it.
Hang in there - it will get better. You will find someone who is so much better for you, and you will never again accept someone who is so unable to love or even really feel anything for anyone else. I’ll be thinking of you and wish you all the best.
ps - get that book!
It has been weeks since we last spoke, I have followed up with you since then. Tried to reach out to you via phone, email, sms, called out your colleague on Twitter as well - no response.
Just buy already
Greetings! Little happiness here though- i bet you think that you r a better dancer but fat chance. don’t evr try to x me again.
i’ll catch you out on the wayside.. or not, if you believe Mr
Thanks for your salutations,
Jerry, this is the part where it starts to hurt. I need so much for you to respond to me so I don’t feel like this is some cheap affair that doesn’t mean anything to you. But you won’t. So, usually I give up and stop reaching out, start to feel like I’m finally moving on while you ignore me for a few weeks, and then you’ll text me something short like ‘how are you’ and I’ll fall right back into old habits and everything repeats itself leaving me worse off each time.
This is not what I want for us. I want love that doesn’t have to hide. I want you to come home to me, not sneak off to see me. So, I’m doing what we both know I should-I’m going to block your number. After this, I won’t get your messages. I love you so fiercely and that makes this feel impossible to handle but I have to try because you aren’t showing me love in return and I can’t love you enough for both of us.
I’ll still hope, of course…That someday I’ll wake up to an email from you explains that things have changed and we can be together and the hopeless romantic in me will soar.
Dear Science, World, Time, Space and Logic,
I am writing this letter to tell you that he is gone. I am writing to tell you that you can breathe again, nobody is going to bother you anymore. He is gone and now is the moment where I finally sit down to explain you why so many times you called me without response.
You, dear Time, I want to tell you that with him I found new ways to measure hours and that we managed to prove that five in the morning is early for somebody who has found a way to explain with eyes closed that you can dream while staying awake. When you find what you have been looking for, the days are not days and nights are not nights anymore. Sometimes ten years pass before the morning comes. I wanted to tell you that he used his watch only to time the entrance of spring in Madrid. Even your cold Decembers were not cold enough to freeze our hearts beating to the rhythm of Mighty Oaks. I want to tell you that they have lied to you and that you do not really cure anything and that during those infinite two years you were something we were only laughing about with every delayed airplane as if you thought you could steal us a minute of our glory.
Dear Space, your distances were never long enough and the beds were always too small. I want you to know that for him there was no measure of being by my side and all your kilometres were not enough to let me be cold. To you, dear Logic, I want to tell you that if somebody intelligent enough steals your reason, it shows you that all your truths are lies. I want to tell you I am sorry I did not listen to you when you were telling me it was impossible for us to last but if I would have listened, I would have nothing to say right now. And you, World, I am sorry that we forced you to understand that you are not as big as you think.
Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That’s what it was like for me. I didn’t plan on falling in love with him, and I doubt if he planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’d never forget a single moment of it.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes you reach for more, that plants on fire in your heart and bring peace to your minds and that’s exactly what he has given me. He is gone now but I would have done it all exactly the same all over again because he was the best one.
My dear Dreamer, I would have chosen you again, cause you were the best one.
Dog owners owners gave me a 5 star review in the end. Guess i was paranoid about the puppy cam.
Also i have been enjoying putting more effort into everything I write.
Probs shit but i wrote this for you…
My mother and I were having a silly Sunday in our big green house on Victoria st.
I had just put two braids in her hair whilst we watched a movie, making her wild curls tame.
We had moved into the kitchen where I was pouring myself a glass of champagne.
I was just about to take a sip from my bubbles when she made a smart-arsed comment about her hair.
"I look like a bloody Flathead"
To which I immediately responded.
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
My mother had just lifted a tissue to her nose ready to blow.
Instead what came out was a burst of laughter.
Barely able to breath she stepped into the next room where I could still hear her in hysterics.
Her laughter was infectious and I couldn’t help but join in.
I put my glass back on the bench so I didn’t spill it’s contents.
Once we finally caught our breath there was a sense renewal, everything had lifted and
nothing could remove the smiles that remained on our faces for the rest of the evening.
Today sucked. You know why? I got stuck in the freakin bathroom stall.
The police MAN came into the WOMAN’s bathroom to get me out. And guess what? They failed. I was still in the freakin bathroom stall. I had to climb under the stall to reach the one next to it to get out. This day freakin sucked! SO, how was yours? P.S. There is a thunder storm right now as I type this email (in Auston, Texas What kind of sunny place had thunder storms?!?) . God, what else can happen to me?
Which period(s) of then-contemporary literature, if any, would you argue suffer from “thematic poverty”? “Thematic poverty” is defined as fiction whose substance lacks (either comparatively or absolutely) anything interesting, insightful, novel, meaningful, or innovative.
(A) The Premodernists (pre-20th century)
(B) The Modernists (quintessential example: Ulysses)
(C) The First-Wave Postmodernists (quintessential example: Catch-22)
(D) The Second-Wave Postmodernists (post-Vietnam-ish extending potentially to the present)
(E) Post-Postmodernists (quintessential example: Infinite Jest)
Hoy, no sé quien eres, pero definitivamente no eres aquel que bajo todo pronóstico hizo hasta lo imposible para que yo me enamorara de él y que me convirtió en la mejor versión de mi. El que me dio estas alas que hoy poseo y el que me enseñó a volar. El que se impregnó en mi ser.
Aquel que se compartía conmigo, que se interesaba por mi, que me cuidaba, que me dedicaba un poco de tiempo, que hacía lo imposible por estar conmigo. Aquel que tenía el alma de poeta, que sentía intensamente y que alguna vez me amó. Aquel que era mi refugio, mi red de seguridad y mi partner incondicional.
Hoy (y como siempre) te ofrezco todo lo que soy y todo lo que tengo y tu me ofreces nada a cambio. Es un mal trato y tu lo sabes, uno doloroso y uno desventajoso. No lo acepto.
No sé a dónde te fuiste, ni por que lo hiciste. Y no me vengas con que “lo que ves es lo que hay” y “este soy yo y no hay mas” es mentira. YO TE VIVÍ, ardí en una hoguera contigo. Hoy no te reconozco.
Si alguna vez regresa ese hombre del cual estoy enamorada, dile que lo estoy esperando y que sabe cómo encontrarme, que soy suya y que siempre lo seré, hasta que el universo estalle…
So when I lived in London, I lived near Edgware Road. It’s not an area I hung out in tons (except I’d go to the pub next door to my flat, because of course), but it was close to Marble Arch and Hyde Park.
Marble Arch is the start of a major shopping area. And if you follow the shopping street from there, it can take you through Covent Garden (which had this one little alley with old booksellers and other cute things like that; I luckily stumbled upon it again when I was there a few weeks ago!) and Trafalgar Square I think and eventually all the way to the Thames. Primark is the only shopping I loved in London. It’s kinda like H&M, so it might not be a crazy must-see, but it was astonishingly cheap [like sneakers for two pounds] and it gets super swamped.
Hyde Park! Famous park. Huge. Speaker’s Corner is a corner where there is a literal soapbox and anyone can stand on it and start talking about stuff. There are sometimes festivals and things here, or crowds gathered to watch football games on screens and whatnot, so you might wanna look up to see if anything cool is going on there.
National Portrait Gallery in Trafalgar Square Victoria & Albert Museum (I genuinely got lost in here.)
See a show - it’s totally fine to stop in one of those storefronts for tickets, though I prefer the TKTS booth in Leicester Square. If you want a cool, less touristy theatre experience, the National Theatre of London is famous and often offers cheaper tickets for people under 35. You can buy in advance or at the theatre if still available.
(You can do the Shakespeare Globe theatre, and get one of the standing tickets in front of the stage, but…if it rains… you will be miserable [said from experience]). Royal Shakespeare Company also offers cheap day-of tickets for young people I think.
Camden Town/Camden Lock is a trendy area. You might run into celebrities in the Whole Foods, haha. I went to school near here. It’s near water, and the Camden Market is a big deal.
Brick Lane is very cool. I was only here once, but wish I’d gone more. They have a market as well, lots of indian food.
Tower of London. I took this on my first trip to LDN in 2005, and again when I was living there. I’m not always one for tours, but it was great. And you can see the Crown Jewels, which are pretty incredible too.
Walk across the Tower Bridge.
Borough Market (supposedly awesome grilled cheese cart here)
St. Paul’s Cathedral/Millennium Bridge
I understand the birthday and anniversary calendar was taken down due to privacy concerns from someone not wanting to share their information publicly with the company. Totally understandable.
That said, I also think that while seemingly trivial, the birthday/anniversary calendar was actually a really useful tool for helping people celebrate their fellow coworkers. I’m sure you already understand the business value of why celebration and workplace happiness is important for retention and productivity, but just in case here’s a recent article about it. https://blog.intercom.io/why-happiness-at-work-really-matters
Also, think about how much more cake and baked goods there will be here if this is brought back! Which, in and of itself, ameliorates the snack shortage situation.
While I really liked the previous method, I understand it’s limitations in regards to confidentiality. I’d like to instead propose an opt-in solution — a Google calendar where people can choose to share their own birthdays and anniversaries as recurring yearly events. This can possibly even be automated if we set up a Google form or something and have a script to populate the calendar.
I also understand I can totally just email out to chatter to try and implement this on my own. However, I think it would be more impactful if it came from your team instead, and also I email chatter a lot. :)
Anyway, please let me know what you think!! Definitely open to discuss this further. Originally, I thought maybe it wasn’t such a big deal losing the calendar, but today was Sarah’s birthday and no one on her team knew, and I could tell she was pretty bummed since she’s definitely helped to celebrate other people’s birthdays. Likewise, others have brought up that they noticed the calendar had gone missing and were equally disappointed.
Thanks so much for your time!
That’s all that’s left. This magical mystery tour of us being in the same city is coming to an end. You’re leaving. And I’m broken.
I try to be strong, to show people that I have so much else going on that the time apart will pass like nothing. But I can’t ignore the fact that for almost a year now all I wanted was the chance for us to be together. And I got that. It happened. Against all odds, and despite my own craziness, we had our moment. We dated, we kissed, we cooked breakfasts and did crosswords in each other’s arms.
And it’s ending.
We have kept one another at arms length, I know that was self preservation on my end, I don’t know if it was for you as well. We didn’t dive deep, we didn’t jump off the cliff. Instead we peered over the edge, held hands, and looked into each other’s eyes with an understanding. Not yet. We can’t jump yet.
I am grateful for all of it, I regret nothing, I just can not believe how quickly the time went.
We aren’t great at being vulnerable. I know that, I create that. I’m just trying to survive this as best I can.
This hurts. I wish it didn’t but it hurts, I let you in. My heart is so happy around you, and will be so lost without you.
I just needed you to know this before you left - so you know that this, for me, was real.
Signed, sealed, and never delivered from 2013
Piensas en que me odias por qué te abandoné, a tí. y eso no puede ser… cómo es posible? es inesperado, esperabas que siempre estuviera ahí. le duele al ego No me quieres a mi, amas que te quiera y como lo hago; tengo muchas funcionalidades y puedo ser útil de muchas formas.
Tengo un problemita, y es que como que cuando quiero y me encarreto; hago cosas muy raras, como que hago muchos regalos y siempre estoy ahí y hago dibujos y no me importa nadaaablabla. Es algo que claramente asusta, me asusta a mi y asusto a la gente. No sé cuando parar, no sé cuando es suficiente y al tiempo me decepciona, como que pongo un nivel todo videoso que nadie nunca puede alcanzar y eso me frustra y termino echándome la culpa a mi mismo.
It is when
I’m on the floor
staring into the corner
attempting to cry
yet no tears flow
It is when
I smile at the sight of food
taking the first bite
only to find
your face creeping
into my mind
ruining my appetite
It is when
I roll up a joint
sealing it shut
only to realise
you’re still on my mind
It is when
I hold my phone
checking my texts
of a reply
only to discover
It is when
I play music
belting my heart out
only to find
it’s still about you
It is when
I cut off
leeways and paths
only to face
of our past
It is when
I cry for you to leave
to have you
right in front of me
Thank you for sending me the card. It was beautiful - I love how intricate it was and I can tell how much time you put into making it.
Sometimes when I see them I feel sad, thinking about how much you can love someone, enough to make them works of art that they can’t even be bothered to thank you for because they are too overwhelmed with their lives and their own feelings. How you might think I’m better than I actually am, or maybe just see the person that I could be. It makes me feel guilty for not being that person, and then annoyed and more guilty for not being able to just appreciate a stupid card.
I want to be a better person in your life, and in everyone’s lives. Thank you. I will try to send this email for real at some point. Maybe without all the feelings stuff.
PS. The confetti’s always a nice touch.
(This is a draft from 2006. I was taking notes as my grandfather was telling me an old family story.)
We were coming home from a Christmas party and it was snowing
Uncle Marshal had too much to drink anyway
Grandpa’s father drivng the car
Headlights didn’t seem to be working
M said “stop the car” and sat on the hood with a flashlight and directed the last couple of blocks
Dad went around the corner and hit a parked car and UM sailed into the snowbank
How’s tricks in New Zealand?
An update on life in London. This week has been rather stressful and frustrating. I had 6 job interviews from Monday - Thursday, I’m so sick of talking about why I’m awesome! Here’s a rough break down:
Monday - Method’s Consulting, they are a Project Management Consultancy mainly working with the public sector. The interview went well but included two tests both multi choice, one was questions like “x is to a fish what b is to a fish”, but the other was maths questions, the examples the recruiter sent me were really basic logic so I didn’t worry too much but actually it was algebra and long division, I never learnt long division and I haven’t done algebra since High School, if I’d known I would have at least gone over the basics.
Anyway, they asked me back for a second interview – yay so I can’t have failed miserably. It was supposed to be Friday but while I was walking to work on Thursday morning I got a call from the recruiter to see if I could go in that day instead, so I did but this meant I didn’t have enough time to prepare as I had been warned that one of the directors I would be meeting with would ask me about current affairs and having not had a tv for the past 5 and a half months of living in the UK I really haven’t kept up with what is happening. But that interview went ok too, I met with three different people and they all said I asked good questions, I really wanted the job, it was the first one I’d interviewed for that seemed challenging. But I got a call this morning from the recruiter to say they’d gone with another candidate as they thought I would want to progress too quickly. Gah!
So back to Monday and I had to run straight from the Methods interview to an interview for a Team Secretary job at Robert Walters (a recruitment company) with the Marketing Team. I thought the interview went reasonably well, I answered all the questions well etc… but during the interview I found out the hours were 8.30 – 6. Not too keen on that. I heard back yesterday that I didn’t get the job because they thought I didn’t have a strong enough personality. Which is probably fair enough, I’m not a crazy over the top extrovert.
Thanks man, I appreciate it. Sorry that….. I’m two months late with this reply! It’s not your fault that you weren’t clear. I’m just feeling pretty silly right now for not understanding your original message. I promise I read it when I first got it, it just must’ve gotten buried in my inbox.
But yea, please let me know when the platform is ready to go. This project is still definitely one I’m passionate about. I just… haven’t had the time outside of work to get to it.
I am here to
regarding our last
these emails are
I must turn this,
into something that
attention to and
Dear Store Owner,
For the last five years I have been ordering The Sandwich from your humble station.
This item is not on your menu; in fact, I invented it. It consists of chicken cutlet, fresh mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, a little bit of mayo, and ranch OR balsamic vinaigrette dressing. I believe that no other person orders this sandwich other than yours truly.
You must be a man of true principles because your ingredients are always fresh and of the highest quality. The loaf emits a glow like that of the sun during golden hour. Your tomatoes stop me dead in my tracks like a woman in a red dress. And the fresh mozzarella… after being seduced by it, I believe that the word fresh should be used sparingly to not reduce the luster of this truth. All of these ingredients form to create a symphony in my mouth. If I could, I would double-fist these sandwiches and not allow myself to breath, for it would be an honorable death.
I’ve been coming to your store since it has opened and have not expressed my love for your craftsmanship. I judge a place by their sandwich. You have surpassed all standards of sandwich-making. I salute you.
I wasn’t supposed to be there that night but destiny had other plans. The date was July 12, 7+12 = 19. We bonded over “The Autobiography” and classical music while night riding through the summer streets of BK. Two sleeps later, we met again and you gifted me Richard Wright. 300+ pages, I consumed with more focus than anything I had read all year. The following week, Coates had us both missing train stops and quoting struggles you felt deeply for coming up black in America and I felt deeply because when you get cut, I bleed. We shared Baldwin, then Hampton, then Mr B, then Baldwin again.
You taught me to swing from the bars, and invited me to your show, then I gave you my skipping rope and invited you to my show. We honored Mr B at the Apollo and clapped until our hands became raw but soon after, my love met your fear and we fell back. A reality I struggled with but tried so hard to embrace. We broke new ground at the new year with Lauryn, and more Baldwin and dinner and Robeson. Then we exhaled and we embraced and we kissed and it was good. While we brought each other freedom, we also brought each other fear.
You dipped one foot in, but you couldn’t step to me with both, which hurt, but I would sooner die than clip your wings. I wasn’t brave enough to tell you how I loved you in the moment, because I was afraid you didn’t love me back…So now you’re on a different path and I’m forced to let you go. Our time was so brief and my heart wasn’t expecting you, but you came and opened it up, and I loved you for it. You said I changed your life, but I say, you changed mine. You said other things, I will keep close to my heart for the rest of my life.
I have faith in the universe bringing us back together one day, when the dust settles, and it will be positive, and light. It might not be in this life but Beyonce is a black radical now (finally) so anything could happen. Until then, I love you, protect yourself, speak your truth on stage and dream of Revolution. I promise to do the same from the streets.
Eternal love, Me