Yo man. Everything’s going to be okay. I know you worry a lot. Like a lot, a lot. But do what you can, and let the world surprise you with the magical powers of destiny. It does amazing things. All things are created by it. Let it create you. Let it create yours.
Often I ask, what am I doing? Wasting hours on social media, scrolling through photos tactfully created so that I fill with envy.
I wake up late. Go to work. Try to stay present at work. Check my social media. Stay late at work. Come home. Anxiously, and unmeaning to, I occupy myself with social media until midnight. My weekends aren’t much different, except there are more unfulfilled promises I make to do greater. If I’m really lonely, I’ll hit a bar and drink way too much.
I want more with my life. I want to hike early in the morning. I want to go to yoga on my lunch break. I want to get lost in creating art, making space, connecting with new people. I want to find secret places to dance my face off. I want to read books in new parks, volunteer and fight for what I believe, attend lectures of brilliant minds–minds that that different than mine.
I’m over internet platforms that suck me in. Where is the app that pushes me out?
I want to stop waiting for life to happen. I want to begin DOING.
Hey, Ms. Nad.
It’s been couple of weeks since we last spoke but it feels like a decade already. I know we’re good friends but actually it’s more than that in my case. You do know that back in the days I crush on you and so did you but for some god knows what reason we’ve become friends after I refused to accept your love. I believe I did the right thing because I wasn’t ready nor were you. Now that we’ve grown up and almost settled in life I’m thinking if it will be a good idea to express my love to you but I don’t know how you’ll take this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. This draft is not enough. I’m not going to send you this. No. NO. I love you, Nad.
Your ever loving David.
Y qué hay de nuestra felicidad? Ahora hay que escoger, o tú o yo… O hacerme una cirugía mental para entender que esto será nuestra felicidad, que te hayas ido corriendo, y además, para ser feliz con otra persona. Cambiar de vida y estar solo para poder estar con otra persona. Y pisotear yo misma mis sentimientos hasta que no quede nada. Yo me muero con esto. No voy a vivir aceptando todo esto, si tengo que estar amargada y triste, lo estaré. Me muero de pensar que el mundo se olvide de que íbamos a estar junts siempre. Que era un deseo real, que en unos pocos días, semanas, algún mes, ha desaparecido. Y a seguir hacia adelante. Pues yo me quedo por el camino, no voy a abandonar. No tengo miedo a sufrir ni a volverme loca. Tengo optimismo y afecto de sobra para varias vidas. Que no había alternativa, que todo el mundo era infeliz, que era demasiado difícil, que hay que abandonar a tiempo. Cuántas dificultades quiere una hacer frente? No trates de convencerme más, sé que has sufrido, sé que hemos sufrido. Pero no es una palabra mágica que ahuyente todos los demás sentimientos con sólo decirla. Te has marchado, me has abandonado, no hay más explicaciones que dar, no hay nada en lo que ampararse. No voy a olvidar nada. No me voy a recuperar de nada, no te entiendo, no estoy contigo. No tengo intención ni de resignarme.
Yo no quiero que sufras, así que olvídate de mí, bloquéame de todo. No voy a contar contigo para nada más. Que estás ahí? Cómo? Esto consiste en dejarme, y estar estarás en la medida en la que no te moleste demasiado. Mandando algún mensaje, respondiendo a un correo. No quiero nada de esto. Prefiero desaparecer de tu vida en todo. Sé todo lo que me dices. Pero me parece todo incomprensible, una locura, que te hayas lanzado a enamorarte de otra persona. Que me pusieras películas que ella te recomendaba, que supieras, en el fondo, que me querías dejar y no me lo dijeras. Que lo tuviera que leer en tus actos, en ti, como siempre. Estoy harta de tener que vivir con los velos que se ponen los demás para cubrir sus acciones y sentimientos de delicadeza, y que tú, por ejemplo, no tengas ningún problema en hablarme sin ninguna consideración. Que me hables, como siempre has hecho con estas cosas conmigo, de ella, que tienes que estar solo para poder estar con ella, cambiar para estar con ella. Cómo no, lo más importante es que tú estés con ella. Y que me lo cuentes. Que la vida era eso, que estés con ella, y quién soy yo para interponerme entre tú y tu vida. Y ahora me tengo que sentir culpable por estar atormentándote. Es a lo que estoy acostumbrada, a preocuparme más por tus sentimientos que por los míos. Que me trates otra vez como si fuera una amiga con la que te hubieras equivocado. Y luego me hables de violencia. Y dureza. Que ahora parezca imposible que fueras feliz conmigo cerca, que cambiaras conmigo cerca, que estuvieras solo si lo necesitabas y si hubieras querido, con todo el espacio que te dejé, para meditar, que hubieras encontrado el amor, por fin, conmigo. Siempre reconstruyendo a partir de las decisiones que se toman. Has tomado una decisión? No la expliques más, por favor. Que para la felicidad no hay fórmula. No necesito, no merezco, escuchar más lo infeliz que eras conmigo. Que la felicidad es el abandono de la infelicidad? A que no te gusta que decante tu felicidad actual o posible así? Pues entonces, no voy a tolerar más que nadie, ni tú, me recuerde lo infeliz que eras conmigo. Y lo ventajoso que va a ser para el mundo que me hayas dejado, porque ya no éramos una pareja. Porque ahora podremos ser amigs, que es lo que has decidido tú que quieres, que es, incluso, lo que siempre has querido. Cada una en su lugar. Todo claro y separado.
Sé que sufriste, y tengo que vivir con ello. Como también vivo con lo que me hiciste tú sufrir a mí. Y como también vivo con lo felices y esperanzadxs que fuimos junts. Y como tú decías, quitándote con un gesto seco de la mano los dolores del hombro, te cito: nadie ha muerto, y la gente trata de seguir con su vida. Así que seré yo la única que sufra, y que parece que insiste, además. Estoy amargada, y por lo tanto, sola, que es como mejor puedo estar. Pero quién va a recordar todo esto? Yo prefiero morirme a abandonar nuestra vida como si fuera una cosa usada. Y tú quieres abandonarla, necesitas construir otra vida con otra mujer. Y siento venir a decirte que no puedo apoyarte, ni comprenderte, si cambiar de vida rima con cambiar de mujer. Si no es que no te quiero, porque quería tu infelicidad. Tengo que apoyarte en todo, lo que importa es tu felicidad. Claro que tu felicidad importa, tienes derecho a ser feliz, y ya estás en ello. No me pidas que yo te comprenda ahora. Que quererte signifique esto. Qué derecho es ese?
Confío en que podrías cambiar solo, pero parece que esa no era la cuestión. Ya verás tú cuál es tu cuestión. O no. Yo no lo sé. Seguro que te irá bien, mucha gente te apoyará, yo ahora me estoy comenzando a parecer a una bruja, y el mundo suele organizarse en torno de las esperanzas renovadas, los amores nuevos, las segundas oportunidades. En torno del olvido. Así que me la guardo yo, nuestra vida, ahora con amargura. Espero que algún día con otro sentimiento, esa es mi esperanza. Pero no tengo ninguna intención de abandonarla. O buscarme otro amor. Aunque me vuelva loca. Soy demasiado mayor, me he dado cuenta con esto, en cierto modo te lo debo, para olvidar mi vida. O para hacer como si esto fuera razonable, algo que se me pasará, con el tiempo. No tengo ni idea de lo que me pasará con el tiempo, la verdad. Y qué te pasará a ti? Supongo que estarás bien. Porque esto es lo que has querido, de repente, no estar siempre conmigo, como hasta hace poco nos prometíamos, y pase lo que pase, has actuado según tu voluntad. Y eres una persona con talento y confianza, estarás bien. Has querido querer a otra persona. Y lo has conseguido de momento. Estarás bien. Te casarás, con ella, o con otra mujer, igual hasta tendrás hijos. Todo eso ya no me concierne. Pero no, no, no, no voy a hacer una vez más como si quererte fuera seguirte en todo. “Todo el mundo sigue a alguien”. Yo a ti. Nunca más. Qué locura. Prefiero casi comenzar a hablar en alguna lengua que no conozcamos, para ya no seguirte en nada de esto si significa abandonar, para no actuar como si esto fuera una cuestión de razón. Ahora mismo no sé lo que significa quererte, querer que estés bien? Claro que quiero que estés bien. Y eso significa que no aparezca con mi tormento? Pues no lo sé, de eso te tienes que ocupar tú. Tú tendrás que ver cómo separas nuestras vidas. Yo ya no me ocupo de eso. Ahora seré egoísta por defecto, por consecuencia. Ya no pretendo tener razón. Eso también lo he aprendido estos dos meses. Y los sentimientos? Qué pasa con el amor de tantos años, simplemente se abandona, en un mes o dos? Se pasa de una persona a otra y se abandona? Quieres que te acompañe en eso? Lo único que puedo hacer yo ahora es estar amargada. Por haberme quedado por el camino de nuestra vida. Porque ya no te quería como tú querías, porque ninguno de los dos nos tomamos la molestia de comprender lo que ocurría, ser pacientes y cambiar. Nos acomodamos a una relación insatisfactoria, si uno de los dos salió pitando, hay que ser comprensiva. Ser comprensiva es eso. Comprender lo que ha pasado. No tratar de comprender cómo es posible que parezca soportable que haya pasado eso. Y no aquello que no ocurrió: que nos esforzáramos por comprendernos a nosotrs y si hacía falta, cambiar todos los gestos. Tocar sin esperar respuesta, mirar detenidamente al otro, y no sólo desear en asbtracto. Escuchar y no sólo querer ser escuchado. Hay que saber cuándo abandonar, dirán. Pues has abandonado, ya está. Para qué repetir, para qué repetir. Y el caso es que siempre me dices más o menos lo mismo. No te has cansado de repetirme tus razones. Ahora me hablas más amable, parece que recuerdas que me querías o que soy un ser humano. Pero he tenido que pasarme dos meses leyendo y escuchando a un desconocido que me trataba como si fuera menos que una persona. Tampoco se me ocurre ninguna alternativa. Alternativas no había, había huidas posibles, conformismos, o ponerse serias. Deja de contarnos nuestra vida, o de ampararte en razones por las que tenías que dejarme. No me puedes convencer de nada, es que no lo entiendes? Lo he intentado, dejarme convencer, para no estar enfadada contigo. Pero no dura. Porque no es verdad. Te convences tú? Nos has dejado, punto. Y me has dejado a mí en el momento más difícil de mi vida hasta ahora. Quieres hacerte adulto, ser responsable? Pues trata de vivir con ello. Como tengo que vivir yo con mis incomprensiones, mis cobardías y mis decepciones. Con eso y con la belleza y la delicadeza, que no las he olvidado, aquí están también conmigo, haciéndome llorar. Eso es la vida también, probablemente. Salta también en tu espíritu. Que ahora todo es duro para ti. Y otra vez que si estás solo. Soledad soledad soledad. Supongo que debo entender que todavía me sigues viendo como alguien que simplemente te protegía. Alguna vez has sentido que te quería? Que hemos sido casi la misma persona? Que había una oportunidad al separarnos después de eso, aunque fuera doloroso y trabajoso, de hacernos mayores -y jóvenes de otro modo- junts? Que las promesas son lo más real de esta vida, que han sido casi la mitad de nuestra vida? No quieres escuchar todo esto? No leas lo que escribo, no me des tus razones. Déjame hablando sola. Que es lo que llevo haciendo dos meses. Y mientras escribo, preocupada por si te estoy haciendo daño… Es imposible. No te preocupes por mí, simplemente seguiré viviendo. Me alegro de que estés contento, e incluso ilusionado. Que te sientas diferente. Pero no me hables más de soledad, ni de dificultades. Soledad intelectual ya tenías. Lo único que veo es que es posible que ahora te sientas algo más independiente en cosas prácticas y como frente al mundo, sintiéndote un poco más tú mismo. Y me niego a aceptar las insinuaciones de otras veces en las que caía que yo tenía la culpa. Cuando era precisamente algo que siempre me dolía, cómo te escondías detrás de mí a veces, de manera fantasiosa o real, y me dejabas sola. Y todo eso además son cosas buenas, rejuvenecen, no tienen nada de malo ni de traumático, sobre todo si una las desea. Y te estás preparando para vivir con otra mujer. Y tienes otros proyectos. Tu situación es, como siempre, inmejorable, llena, más que de dificultades, de facilidades, venga ya, tiene gracia que te lo recuerde yo. Vas a estar bien. Confía. Te dejo con un poeta, que ellos parece que lo han vivido todo, y nos lo dicen: es tan corto el amor, tan largo el olvido.
We have worked tirelessly for weeks (over multiple weekends) to move everything from the old office to the new office, making multiple trips to IKEA (80 miles round trip), hours building furniture, cleaning and making this place the new home of XXXXXXXXX. I trust that you respect and appreciate all that we have done. This is why I need you to understand that there are some items at the old office that are not coming to the new office. The birds picture, the OPEN sign, the old whiteboard from 101, and a few more items have no place in our new office. The discussion has been finalized and will no longer be argued. I need you to take care of them or I will have to dispose of them as I see fit.
Thanks for your understanding.
A carta rejeitada quer ser amada
como um corpo abandonado
sofre num cantar lânguida
pelo encontro desejado
How are you. I know you don’t like me. i know you are so happy with your bf. but i just want to say you, i will always love you.
I secretly run around the house pantless
Hi grandma and grandpa!
Just wanted to say hi and show you a couple pictures you might find interesting. One is me going to class today. Thanks for the shirt! The second is my first big boy suit. I found a really good sale a couple weeks ago and wanted something nice since I’ll be interviewing a lot in the coming months. I put it on my best hanger! Third, my new aquarium stand. I found this nice big 45 gallon aquarium on the street a couple months ago, couldn’t believe someone was getting rid of it. We didnt have anywhere to put it in our apartment though since it will be so heavy when filled (almost 400 pounds). So my roommate and I made this stand. It’s just two by fours and plywood, not pretty but strong as a rock!
Can you send me that Google Document again? I forgot to add it to my drive
ahhh I don’t know what to do with my life right now
So sorry you two lost the bracket challenge but you still owe money.
You were never the one.
I always thought i was the only nerd who loved marketing and advertising as much as i actually do! I stumbled upon this website–which brought me to “forgottenemails” and I AM IN LOVE! please dont stop!
anxiety sucks. but i can’t accept that. all i can think about is how i suck. and how im not studying. and how im not doing assignments. and how im letting my professors down. and most importantly how im letting myself down. i know what i want in life. i want to be the best at whatever i choose to do. im so lucky as to know that. but i feel like now thats a curse. its not that “being the best” means i have unreasonable standards. the problem is that i don’t know how to deal with setbacks. setbacks are so far from being the best that they stun me. they stop me in my tracks. they make me feel like im unworthy of all the love i get from everyone in my life. so instead of using setbacks to motivate me to do better and then getting excited when i am doing better, i sit there, stunned by the setback, unable to comprehend what just happened, unable to move forward. finally when the stress of the setback peaks, i spring into action, knowing full well that i can never now feel like im being the best or even doing my best because there just isn’t enough time.
i think i just love you too much. my life just got too jumbled up when i started really really really liking you and i couldn’t be with you. it broke me.
It’s been quite awhile. When did we last meet? I think it was last year but you didn’t acknowledge me as much as you did back then. I wanted to ask how you’ve been, I wanted you to talk to me about your new school, classmates and such. But I couldn’t or you didn’t want to.
I regret what I said last time. I’m not perfect, I didn’t know what to say. It was all so sudden. I meant to say thank you for liking me for who I am. I meant to say I like you too. Unfortunately, I got tongue-tied. So stupid. You stopped talking to me and ignored me. It was awkward. I wanted us to hang out just like what we did before. I couldn’t do it though. I was afraid that you’d reject me, say that you’re too busy or something.
You probably have someone else you like now. I feel so jealous but I don’t have any rights. I look at your social media profiles every now and then, just wanting to make sure that you’re doing fine and all. I am regretting the things that I haven’t done and said to you. I’m sorry for my words last time, it probably hurt you. I know you wont come back but I’ll be here if and when you need me. But I know you don’t need me anymore. You’ve someone else.
Is it possible for a person to be happy and sad at the same time? Because I am.
People always make fun of my name.
Jimmy jo jim jumbuck jino is nothing to laugh at.
Jimmy jo jim jumbuk jino
I thought that I was going to see some of the drafts I saved in my email, not write one. But oh well, I guess this is okay too. It’ll be a laugh to see what I’ll write on here over the goddamn years. Hmmmm……
Maybe I can add in a little bit of poetry to impress my goddamn future self? Or is it not how it works? Okay.
It is me again. I know that my last email to you seemed somewhat cringy and soppy, but I needed to write it down. Like I said before, writing down makes everything fall into place.
Not gonna lie, looked you up several times on social media. Checked everything again and again. Was still surprised to see my images on your FB. I know you are a photographer, but for some reason, they seem too personal now.
Just wanted to let you know that I went on few dates. You told me that the good guys would never break my heart. Well, you were wrong…
What’s up with the guys nowadays?..
I went out with this nice guy, works in the police department, does freelancing on the side. But.. he was divorced. Just like you. But his case was so different than yours. He had two kids. His marriage failed because they fell out of love. For some unknown reason, I liked that guy. He seemed genuine. And you know what, for the first time in 2 years I felt butterflies in my stomach when he leant to kiss me.
You know what frustrating is? He ended whatever was going on between us. Two completely different timetables. Weird, huh?
It is like you cursed me with that.
I have meant to ask. Does your new girl complete you in every way? Is sex good? Does she give you better blow jobs? Are you able to speak about your mommy issues with her?
Honestly, I don’t even know why I am writing to you. I guess, after seeing that you became a wedding photographer, something clicked in my mind. You made fun of my wedding-themed Pinterest, and now you are the one who is in that industry.
I guess, we are not so different after all..
i miss you, I want you here as soon as possible.
I am just afraid that I won’t be able to love you the way you need me to. I am afraid I will hurt you, cause you pain and disappointment. I am also afraid that if we are both depressed, that will make things more difficult for us, that we won’t be able to take care of each other. I don’t know… As if being apart would be any easier. I remembered just how much harder it is to really be without you during this past week. I want to be us again. I want to be happy. I know you’re not a magic bullet, but I know the way I feel isn’t normal, and I know it’s not your fault, I’m sorry for taking it out on you.
I hope you have been able to think this past week, to be sure this is what you really want. I just keep doubting that I am enough for you. If you were asking me to move, now, or never… I don’t know what I would do. I really wouldn’t want to move, and I am afraid of how that would effect us… That I would resent you for making me move. I don’t want to put you in that same position, I don’t want you to resent me. If you want out, I am giving you that chance.
I want to give us a chance, a real chance this time. It has to be soon.
I am sorry I didn’t call you tonight, the [awesome movie] screening was tonight, and I got home at 11:30. Tomorrow I’ll be working late. I am looking forward to talking to you, but I don’t want to keep you up late or get cut short, so I’ll call on Wednesday. I didn’t want you to be worried about me, or think that this was my plan to just disappear on you. I also wanted to let you know [our cat] is doing ok.
I regret not kissing you hello.
I regret not kissing you good-bye.
We’ve known each other for years now, and I can’t find the words to tell him how I feel
So yeah it would’ve been awful if we’d split up so early. But have you no respect for my abilities? Do you believe in me at all? I was already doing very difficult things all by myself. I became a single mom while you behaved as a bachelor professor. You took what I had because it suited you. Not to save me. You took what you wanted and left the rest of me behind you.
You said I can choose if I don’t want you. You still have this so wrong. I want what I always wanted: love, respect, faithfulness, trust, and now, freedom. I thought I had those. But you were in control the whole time. It’s not you. It’s what you did to me.
i always tell myself no matter how my mom think of me or care for me i will prove to her i can do it no matter how hard is this
I lava you.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
max martin Light up the world
I already heard the big news about your big walking-down-the-street-that-caved-in mishap, please refer to your myspace page for more info. Seriously I hope you aren’t in too much pain. You are the most accident prone lady I know! Please fill me in on the details though, I want to know exactly how this happened.
we’re not mobile right now
i think relationship building is a huge part of it
there is an airport in chicago that is convenient to toronto
call to problem solve together
why is it so important for me to be in toronto? how can i meet those needs without being there?
You are beautiful, you are gorgeous. Looking at you feels like freezing into ice the same temperature as the color of your eyes. But that isn’t why I’m writing you this. You are substance behind that. You are a room with a view. Your almost imperceptible frown at someone’s mistake. The crinkles at the corners of your eyes when you smile. The confident edge of your voice when you speak. The easy way you command people. Your shoulders pulled back with an aristocratic dignity. You blushing when you’re embarrassed. You forcing me a mushroom chicken cutlet to eat. I can’t tell you how excited I was when I heard you were waiting and joining [us]. It was great working with you. Good luck. I’ll miss you.
It’s been a while. I thought about you quite a lot since that day two years ago.
You and I.. We had a different sort of relationship. We were both broken people and I was your support and you were mine. Slowly though, we both changed each other. At least, you changed me. We had so many memories. So many nights spent just talking to each other. I enjoyed that. We made each other stronger. At one point, we no longer needed each other. And that’s why that day, I was able to break it off. I didn’t talk to you after that night. I didn’t even bother to contact you.
Then one day, I heard that your dad was in critical health. I didn’t want to at first, but I finally gathered up the courage to call you. I tried to give you hope and honestly if I could, I would have made it all better. But i couldn’t. A few days passed and I heard your dad passed away. You were depressed. That’s what your friends told me cause I never did talk to you. I don’t know why though… I heard you changed after that. You closed yourself shut. After all, your life wasn’t easy even when your dad was alive.
I don’t really know if I miss you. But I regret not being there when you needed a friend. Sometimes, I think back and wonder what would have happened if I stayed your friend. Would I have saved you from your sorrows ? I will never know.
I know you know this. But I will say it again. I loved you a lot. More than I loved anybody. And I don’t know if I will love anybody so much again.
I hope you stay well. Someday, I hope to fix everything with you. It will never be the same, but maybe we could start over…
I hate that I’ve been a force in your life, some killer of spirit. I have never felt such love or affection from you as I did that night that we lay in front of the fire at my house and you just looked at my face for an immeasurable amount of time and touched it. Knowing that it’s my fault that it hasn’t happened since makes me feel terrible. It should be me telling you that you should find someone better. Someone that is less damaged, less–
Hi Mom and Dad,
I’ve organized the guest list so it can be easily counted and organized for seating arrangements. Can you take a look at the list and see if you can fill in some of the missing details?
I’ve highlighted some rows:
The green rows are people who are listed with kids (not specifically married): do you know which people have kids over 12 (they will need to be counted as adults), and if they are over 12, are they likely to bring an extra guest?
The purple rows are people with married kids, but the married kids don’t have any info: do you know their names, if they’re at separate addresses, and if they have their own kids (under or over 12)? If there are kids you don’t know the details of, can we remove them from the list?
Also, I’d like to identify the family tree of the guests to help me figure out seating arrangements.
I will also probably need to cut out some people, so if there are people that you don’t know the information of, these may be people we should cut out.
We can go through it together next week. Talk to you soon!
What’s going on Michster?
How’s your fall going? Sad the warm weather has left us?
Any details about your newfound auntiness?
Congrats, by the way. That’s pretty exciting news. I just got back from spending a week with my niece. She’s walking now, and talking a lot of crazy jibberish stories, but they’re all still awesome. She’s got a love for books and playing airplane. It’s good times. I’ve got a new position with GNR. It’s pretty strategic, and involves a lot of creative new big ideas… pretty fun stuff! I’d love to tell you all about it when I see you next.
Any travels lately? Still planning a big trip
How’s work going? Getting a lot of time with clients?
Have a great weekend!
Você não acreditou no meu potencial.
Você subestimou meus conhecimentos.
Você não deu aquela oportunidade que
eu tanto queria. Pq eu era nova demais?
Pq eu era mulher? Pq eu não aceitei ocupar
apenas o lugar que meu foi dirigido.
Mas parece que o jogo virou não é mesmo?
It feels silly that I know it’s silly to believe in fairy-tale stories but and I will blame Disney for all that conditioning I suffered during my growing up years. You know how it’s so difficult to put down those rose-tinted glasses when one has worn them for the longest time.
All could have been perfect and well if I would meet a nice girl to settle down with pretending we own castles and are rulers of our own kingdoms. Game of Thrones actually changed all of that with the violence and gore plus all that killing…
Anyway, that’s not the point. The major point is that I am not straight… Yes, I am gay and I’ve fallen for you a perfectly straight man in grand delusional hopes that you would love me for who I am. After all, I had read about two straight guys who had fallen in love and that sexuality is fluid so anything’s possible right? Damn Disney…
You’re not exactly Prince Charming material - you know the fair chiselled facial features with white porcelain teeth, etc. - but you are the epitome of a man’s man whom any girl (or guy) would be so lucky to have - polite, scruffy, gruff, gentlemanly, kind and green/blue eyes.
You’ve no idea the countless times I’ve caught myself wishing wistfully when you look so engrossed at work to just kiss you and magically make you mine but I know people would stare and maybe you would mind. I did ask you once if you minded me being gay and being around you but you simply shrugged it off and punched me in the shoulder saying that I would never ever make anyone feel comfortable because I’m a great guy.
Those were the only words I heard and that punch was the only contact we had. I wasn’t sure if I want you to have a girlfriend or anyone because I do wish you’re mine but I want you to be happy and it hurts me when you furrowed your brows after a huge argument with your landlord and you complained that the rent was too expensive.
I would want to live in with you but I don’t know how to talk to you just so you can reduce your rent and I would get to see you every day. Isn’t it a win-win situation you see? I didn’t want to come off as a freak but right now, maybe I’m one.
I want to be there for you, with you, beside you. If only you’d let me…
Will you consider?
But I do. And you took that information and used it to play with me. I gave you everything I had. I became an emotional wreck.
I gave you up and I told you so. Instead of leaving me alone, you pursued me only to mistreat me when I was willing to give you a second chance.
The worst part? I still miss you.
I’ve gone through 34 years of life without ever being accused of being unkind, threatened, dark, or passive-aggressive. So this email tells me that the lens that you look at me through is quite distorted.
I’ve told you many times that I think you are a great artist, counseled, and referred clients.
Remember when you called me to tell me that the only reason P was “liking” the photos on my Facebook page was to make you jealous. I truly felt sorry for you in that call. It’s the same phone call where you told me she thinks you need mental health help. So why are you turning that “seek help” line on me?
Thank you for teaching me to trust my intuition, it’s been a long year of me being kind and generous to you only to find out that you’ve ripped my reputation to shreds with K, P, and who knows else. How sad that this negativity resulted in K closing the group.
I cannot continue to engage with you as I need to surround myself with those who take joy in my light friendly personality and not feel like my friendships, achievements, and happiness are somehow a threat. My hope is that you’ll soon come to a place where you can shine your light, smile, and maintain a beautiful friendship with others for the long haul.
DONE (meaning: emails, account names, etc):
Bank of America
USAA credit card
I need to cancel a report of a stolen bicycle I made through the website:
“This confirms that your declaration has been submitted to An Garda Síochána. Thank you for using our Online Declaration. Please retain your unique confirmation ID ‘[REDACTED]’ for future reference.”
It turned out to be my neighbour. He brought it back. I’m terribly sorry for wasting your time.
Hey, sorry…was away from computer for most of the day.
For me, marijuana doesn’t impair me, it improves me. I am not ashamed to take a couple tylenol for a headache, a Zyrtec for allergies, or partake in marijuana for my sometimes-crippling anxiety in front of her.
I would say, in my experience, it’s nothing like booze. It is a medicine that helps me function. I am a better mother when I able to function.
Alcohol is legal and socially acceptable and dangerous when abused.
Similarly, I’m not happy about my child being around cigarette smoke, because it’s dangerous to her health. But, I know it’s socially acceptable to smoke, so the onus is on me to keep my child away from people who are smoking.
I talk to my kid about why I use marijuana. I also let her know she’s not old enough for it. The culture is shifting around pot. It is becoming more and more socially acceptable every day.
People using weed in one form or another should be the least of our worries. I don’t wish to be sequestered.
You didn’t think I could let you spew hate on me without replying, did you?
I know what we had, even if you didn’t acknowledge it in words. I know how I felt about you. It surprised me.
You are slutty with your money and then expect everyone to appreciate your “gifts.”
I felt you found many ways to road block my success at
You have a secret code you expect everyone to know Having high standards is great, but your rules need to be explained explicitly. You expected me to act a certain way but couldn’t explain how.
I’m a grownup. No more games. I told you how much I liked you. You make me smile. You’re equally badass and delightfully goofy.
I thought when I was telling you I would help keep you “safe,” it meant emotionally.
You didn’t think your money was going to impress this big American clown, did you?
You are attracted to drama because you are comfortable in chaos. Chaos shuts down the voices.
After saying such terrible things to me –shame on you, by the way– I felt I should have an opportunity to speak my truth.
I’m writing to share with you what you look like from my point of view.
You know how hard I have fought tooth and nail to get back on my feet after a long struggle.
May I suggest that if you want to really make a positive impact on someone’s life, try doing it unconditionally. If you can’t do that, put explicit agreements in place so you’ll never feel taken “advantage of.”
Your power is money and you use it to control people. Instead of talking your feelings out, you pull your “gifts” away.
You said several times that we “never had a relationship,” as if that would cripple me. Silly man, you are the only who couldn’t accept we had. You saying that we didn’t have a relationship didn’t hurt me, it made me pity you. You must really be suffering.
You, too, are a pauper. You have a poverty of love. You don’t think you deserve great love, much like I used to feel I didn’t deserve great wealth. Both are lies we tell ourselves because it’s easier than doing the fucking work to make awesome things happen.
You couldn’t value what I brought to the table because you thought I was doing it for your money. I thought I had found a friend who understood that I needed to get back on my feet, to do my own thing.
You can’t even be honest with your executive assistant. I think you were ashamed of your feelings for me.
You want freedom, autonomy, I get that. I really get that.
When you pulled over to the side of the ride to call me to tell me you thought you had real feelings for me…I was so touched. Yet, I knew that it would be difficult for me
You confuse obedience with love.
I have my own journey. In March, you needed help from me and I was showing up in a big way for someone else… and myself.
You wanted me to do things but without telling me what those things were.
I was up to the challenge. I didn’t flip out when you barely responded to my texts for a month. I was put in an uncomfortable place of not wanting to bug you too much, while knowing you were hurting from your divorce dates.
I can still feel the dirty look you shot me when you couldn’t open the lock at
The only thing I really wanted from you was kindness, transparency, and authenticity. You think I am “fake” but I am not. I am real. I am also human.
Explicit agreements and two-way communication, those are the key things you need to succeed in a relationship.
As it turns out, you did make an impact in my life. You reminded me that I need to keep my standards high, and to get everything in writing.
It is the beginning of a very happy ending for you,
I saw you for how you really are, warts and all, and still loved you. I only asked the same.
Do I want to be friends? Yes. Do I want to have you in my life? Yes.
Can I do so and still have respect for myself? No, absolutely not. This is the end of the road for us,
Te acabo de poner nombre, hace rato lo pensé hubieras sido una linda Agata, tal vez pensé en el nombre que tu papá nunca me hubiera dejado ponerte, hubiera dicho parece nombre de viejita, creo en su cabeza te llamas Thor, por la misma razón por la cual para mi eres Agata.
Estuviste en nuestra vida durante dos semanas, te esfumaste más rápido de lo que llegaste y pusiste mi vida de cabeza.
No es justo culparte a ti de todo, aunque a veces es más fácil, a veces quisiera que no hubieras aparecido y me ahorraría este dolor.
Hoy no duele, pero me doy cuenta que no estoy bien, con las pocas personas que hablo de ti me ven con cara de pobrecita y me aseguran que voy a estar bien.
Y ¿si no? ¿qué va a pasar conmigo? ¿seguiré siendo este desaste? el cual no puede sentarse a trabajar y divaga quesque trabajando toda la mañana esperando que llegue la hora para hacer de comer, cocinar, después comer, recoger la cocina si bien nos va y después dormir una larga siesta, ver la tele y esperar a que tu papá llegue para hacer la interminable rutina del ¿qué quieres cenar?
Por eso pensé en escribir y después pensé que sería buena idea escribirte a ti. Tu sabes como me siento, y no puedo atormentar más a tu papá, lo voy a volver loco, no es bueno para nuestra relación y seamos sinceras, tu papá no entiende mucho sobre mis interminables chaquetas mentales. Así que ahora te tocará leerme a ti donde quiera que estés. Sé tal vez esto no es muy saludable te tengo que dejar ir, pero tal vez esto me ayuda a hacerlo.
Siempre vas a estar en mi ❤
you haven’t really lived until you’ve seen the accounts department drunk and whooping at a belly dancer
This is going to be super weird.. But I must say this. I think.
I think about you a lot. I miss you. I think I’m in love with you. Or, at the very least, I’m in love with the idea of you. Maybe I’m just clinging on to you because you were the first (and only) one that loved me too. Yes, we were young. We (well, me anyway) probably didn’t realise what it meant. But still… You meant a lot to me.
This message is rather strange and unexpected, I’m sure. I mean, we haven’t seen each other in 10 years (or even spoke!) I don’t even know what your favourite food, or color, movie, song, or band is.. But still… I still think about the things we said to each other. How things could’ve been different. I know it’s crazy. I know. I know you’re married now and you have kids. I’m happy for you. Genuinely. I’m really happy for you.
Why am I sending this? What’s the point? I don’t know. I just feel I need to say it. I don’t have a lot of people in my life and I just want you to know how I feel. Some day, when you’re feeling down, or bad, or feel like nothing can go right.. Just know that there is someone that cares. Someone who thinks you’re awesome and pretty. Intelligent. Perfect. :)
We sometimes drive on the same road home after work. The first time I saw you.. I almost rolled the car. I froze. Time, (and my heart!) stood stil. I cannot describe it. It’s like an arrow pressing through my chest. Every. Time.
I don’t think you saw me.
I remember that time at the mall. You sat at a restaurant and I walked past and our eyes met. It felt like an eternity. My heart has never pounded that fast. I would give anything to know what you were thinking in that moment. Although, you’ve probably long since forgotten that moment.
I wish I could talk to you again. Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to say.
I just want you to know how I feel. I hope you don’t think it’s weird. Or out of place. I hope you can appreciate it.
Good night. Happy new year. I wish you all the best!
I am guessing by now you have gotten paperwork from the court indicating the divorce is final. Since I had gotten a few emails from you in the past few months, I think a part of me expected to hear something from you after I knew paperwork had been delivered to you. It is also possible you imagine I don’t want to hear from you and are giving me space. A part of me also wonders if you’re in denial and don’t want to acknowledge the divorce, and writing any kind of goodbye to me would be too hard for you.
The biggest part of me feels incredibly used by you, that you acknowledged only what you wanted to and not reality. Sometimes I feel like I was just a reflective surface to you although I believe you truly loved me. I tip toed around you to protect your emotions meanwhile having no where to put my own. And that’s my fault for taking that role. Most of me feels like there is no point writing you as you won’t ever understand, and I don’t need you to. But there remains this small part of you for me, the part that holds my happiest memories and the absolute incredibly real love and bond I have for you. I write to that part for my own sake. Now that time has gone by and I realize I won’t hear from you.
When we got married we said out beyond right doing and wrong doing there is a field and we would meet each other there. While too much damage is done and I am too hurt to remain married, or in contact with you, I continue to see you beyond wrongdoings. Despite how incredibly angry I have been with you at times, I continue to see you as I always did, as a good man.
All of this was incredibly hard from me. From the way you responded to my valid pain and reactions, to the lack of respect I got in how careful and giving I was in tending your emotions. Deciding to get divorced was hardest decision of my entire life. It took time to get there, days without appetite and weeks of uncontrollable tears. To hear you question multiple times how much I loved you was the hardest thing I’ve ever heard or been confronted with. This was the last thing I expected for us. I hope that the next person you love you are honest with, and I hope your family is honest with her, that she not be kept from secrets the way I was.
I hope you have found peace within yourself like you wanted and no matter how much anger I feel during times of great pain I really am not angry at you at all. I feel for the pain you carried and I am sorry we both had to go through something so gut wrenching and painful. Divorce and our marriage is not something I can push aside and forget. Divorce has changed my life in away nothing else ever has, my life is now divided in “before” and “after.”
I wish the absolute best for you and I carry the happiest moments of my life from our marriage inside even though acknowledging them brings pain. I have learned a great deal from us, about myself, and find meaning in the growth I’ve endured. I hope you do as well.
you’re not judgmental
we can be goofy together
we’re the same kind of weird
i can tell you anything
we’ve got a good amount of interests in common versus different that keeps things interesting
you can talk about anything cause you’re smart
you can make jokes about anything cause you’re funny
you tell me what you’re thinking and feeling so I’m never guessing or in the dark
you remember things i say that even i don’t remember
there’s no words to describe the way you look at me
that little patch of grey hair behind your right ear
you’ve always got a smile on your face and you can always make me smile
the cereal bowl on your chest
you’re always up for anything
you make me feel special and cared for
you share music with me that you say makes you think of me
i feel like you’ve got my back no matter what
Stop asking new programmers to the team if they would eat a dog since dogs have no souls. I left your madness happily.
I still want you in my arms, and every night I had panic attacks from not getting texts from you… and this has to stop. I want to forget everything. I’ll try my very best to never text you again, and I hope you do the same for me. But then again, it’s easy for you to ignore me because you have other girls to fuck around, and you only come back to me when you’re in a location near me, so I guess the hard part is for me.
Lucky you I’ll still need to send you the presents I promised, otherwise you’ll never hear from me ever again. Enjoy the mixtape I’ve made with all my heart, and the handmade shirt, and the Cyndaquil badge I’ve bought for you, those are your farewell gifts. I wish I never met you.